from Tech Support
So you think you're computer-illiterate? Check out the following excerpts
from a Wall Street Journal article by Jim Carlton --
1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to"Press Return
Key" because of the flood of calls asking where
the"Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to
control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the
mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the
system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After
trouble- shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was
found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into the
typewriter to type the labels.
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes.
A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of
5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in
the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was
heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door
to his room.
6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax
anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the
man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor
screen and hitting the "send" key.
7. Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech
suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends, "the
customer replied. When told Egghead was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I
thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."
8. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer
worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking
the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them
9. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because
his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that
the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken
10. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new
Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the
technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her
response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The
"foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.
11. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer
wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for
20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she
pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"
12. True story from a Novell NetWire
Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty
period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped. It's because I am. Did you
receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup
holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional.
It just has '4X' on it."
At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand
it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup
holder, and snapped it off the drive!